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nico's all time faves, part 5

Arcade Fire- "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)"
2004. 4:48. Merge

There isn't much more to say than that this is a song that finds a little space around your heart and nestles in, packed tight. The pleading in Win Butler's voice, the rising tension of the song. The naivete of two lovers (as Pitchfork suggests) but I initially heard it more as two kids in a playground love, escaping the noise of parents fighting and ignoring any signs of impending divorce. And then there's the nostalgia:

Then we tried to name our babies,
But we forgot all the names that, the names we used to know.
But sometimes, we remember our bedrooms,
and our parents' bedrooms,
and the bedrooms of our friends.
Then we think of our parents,
well what ever happened to them?


nina simone- it is finished (album, 1974)

things goin' on- saw Matteo Garrone's Gomorrah (08/09) Saturday, then promptly went to the library today to quickly read the book. Preferred the movie. One more radio show for this semester, I'm sad about it. Finished the contraband absinthe from France with Cassia last night. Still sick of being single, surprise surprise. Work has been hit or miss with the sik dying. I'm hopelessly in love with the new YYYs album, yet their early work is still my favorite. I used to drive around singing to "Black Tongue".

It sounds like such a cliche but sometimes I just really enjoy being that girl on the bus who stares out the window. I almost get a sense of pride watching the city roll by, like it's  my  city or something. Watching the start and end of centuries in stone. Maybe it's that I wish I could become that mysterious cliche girl- a shock of dark hair and a set jaw.


red moon

i thought up this long dramatic message i would send JB over the internet or somthng, assuming i had some balls. friends with benefits doesnt fuckign work kids, eventually the friendship goes away and it's just awkward. or you want to go back to just being friends who didnt touch, and how does one go back from such a thing?

i thought about the way things used to be and whether he ever missed them. simpler times, freshman or sophomore year. when we would all gather at his mother's house on wornall, take the creaky stairs up to his room. all 6 or so of us would fit on the bed, hazy light streaming in from the windows. sporadic tickling matches. watching the computer. sneaking wine and such from his mother- I have a very clear memory of us all sitting around drinking scotch, around the time "anchorman" the movie came out so it was fashionable, and i mixed with red bull. grimacing at the taste of alcohol. Megan would also try to show us her tits, sometimes she and max would drive somewhere to fuck or as they called it "going to McDonalds". once they screwed in JB's little brother's bed and Max came out holding the used condom in his hand and threatened to smear semen on us all. in the fall and spring we'd either sit on the porch or go out back to smoke. we had a leaf fight one- i'm not sure why this made an impression on me. another time James Linnea Nate and I all drove up to Lawrence one day (it was spring break), Nate making us go to blockbuster on the way home to rent Gladiator of all things, yet when we put it on the tv in the little foyer upstairs he and Linnea ended up rolling around making out, while Jb and I watched the movie uncomfortably.

i think about the way he and i eventually slept together, on S's 19th birthday of all days, when we're all drunk in the park and he suggests we go on a walk to sober up with Stephan and the others stay behind. We end up in the rose garden and he slurs at me "don't regret this okay" before going in for the kill. half-fucking on a park bench. Jessica and her punk boyfriend Taylor end up awkwardly driving us back to James' house where I weirdly spend the night with him. waking up at 7am to him getting ready to leave to drive to his mom's house. he leaves first, i leave next but forget my wallet. i called him to ask how to get back in, he doesnt pick up the call. my heart fucking breaks, not because i had any feelings for him but because i felt used. run inside, get my wallet, drive halfway home and call Stephan to make sure he hasn't died of alcohol poisoning (19 shots, apparently walked home, ended up in a hammock with cake on his face). in retrospect i feel like i should've seen it coming, a few weeks before James Steph and I had gotten drunk at my house and J had cornered me and felt my breast, and on the drive home Steph told me later that J told him he "thought" he wanted to sleep with me. and what am i, some fuck-object for these brown-eyed men? when James gets drunk he'll sometimes ask who was better in bed, him or S. do i stroke his ego or tell the truth? who fucking asks that?

how does one fucking go back from that? slept together maybe twice after that, i think because i felt obligated to at that point. everytime he and i would drink alone i'd be on edge worrying he'd make an advance and that i drunkenly would acquiesce. and now nothings the same, there's a tension. i would give the world to go back to before it all happened. i just want my friend back. we've grown apart and i hate that it happened.
paris came and went too quickly, so quick i couldnt keep up the updates. now there's a city i want to live in

Mar. 11th, 2009

 Wednesday- start off by metro'ing to Bastille stop. The newer Opera is ugly. Wander around the Marais. Briefly duck into Musee Carnavalet- too tired to see much. Place des Vosges is sooooooo pretty and I love all the cute little French children who are well dressed- maybe because the French have fewer kids they can afford to treat them well??/ Musee Picasso as well, old townhouse with a very modern interior that doesn't flow well, too many tiny rooms with mirrored walls. Rue de Rosiers for lunch at L'As du Fallafel- sat inside lol had a great imported Israeli beer called Maccabee. 


Mar. 10th, 2009

 Tuesday-  mom and sonia sent me out to Eric Kayser on Ternes to pick up a lovely baguette aux cereales. Metro'd to the Musee d;Orsay- absolutely stunning museum, I love the quatrefoils on the ceiling, the collection was incredible. Nobody was arround Manet's Olympia or Dejeuner- everyone was crowding around Millet's the Gleaners- yuck!! Loved the Carpeaux bronze of Ugolino and his sons- the Dante fan in me was pleased. Walked to little bistro Le Cing Mars- again only 17e for app plus main. App was some sort of mushroom soup (non cream based? soup maybe isnt the right word). Main was fucking delish veal (which I never mever eat) in a tomato-y herb sauce with potato- the best food yet. Desert was a delightful greek/plain yaogurt (though they called it 'white cheese') with high quality honey. Walked to the Rodin Museum- stunning. It's located in R's old house, beautiful hotel particuliere with a great garden with all of his masterpieces- Balzac, Thinker, Burghers of Calais, Ugolino, Gates of Hell

St Germain des Pres- had coffee and tea at Cafe de Flore- spotted the editor in chief of Vogue Italia walking in (I murmured oh my god to my mom). Bought cute tiedye tights at Am App. Delish macarons from Pierre Herme which again went well until Sonia busted out in English- the guy who had winked at me when we walked in soon turned to cute teasing- we ordered one Isphahan and he says "not three?" non- pour partager. Chercheminippes.  Then to Bon Marche where we saw the singer Pink speaking English and freaking out about all the products- one of her male companions looked excited that we were speaking English

Mar. 9th, 2009

monday- mom was sick. went with sonia to notre-dame (and paid to go up to the top, lots of steps, very dizzy) and then Sacre Coeur. Found little restaurant I'd looked up that had good reviews- Bar A Manger. App plus main for 15 euro- beautiful puff pastry sac of spinach and feta and then some sort of white fish with breadcrumbs and haricots verts with some sort of grilled apples. Sonia had a smoked/raw-ish salmon wiith thyme crust, then porc with ? for main, and then a delicious desert that was creme fraiche with praline cream, a chestnut syrup type thing on the bottom, merigue crumbles on top. No tourists in sight. Waitress did not seem to realize we were Americans until Sonia busted out in English. Then went to Free P Star and Fripes Star in Marais- completely disappointing, Finished by taking her photo in front of the Hotel de Ville- she's a 3 Musketeers fan

Went back, picked up Mom (who was sick off the richness of Angelina's the day before), had a quick dinner and went to the Eiffel Tour, went up to 2nd floor. Finished off with Bateaux-Parisiens one hour float up and down the seine

Mar. 8th, 2009

 paris day one!! arrived 6am , apartment by 9am. beautiful one bedroom place in the 17th. used Sonia's plug adapter (the wrong kind) and burned off a small snippet of hair- complete freak out. Turns out her adapter doesnt adjust voltage- fried my hair with 220 volts. airing out the place. hair itself looks the same thank fuck. going to market now

bought une epoisse at alleosse have yet to eat it. strolled the champs elysees. laduree had a line 50 people deep so we didnt get anything. went to angelina's on rue rivoli, good lord the choc africain is thick and the mont blanc is delish. saw model Jessica Stam near the Hotel de Crillon

la roux- in for the kill (twelves remix)

Didn't get the MD job- Sean was kind enough to call to tell me and tried to play it off that by saying I had stiff competition. Whatever, should've seen this coming. Sick of never getting what I want, yeah that's selfish boohoo. Too ashamed and embarassed to tell parents who will either forget that I'd ever mentioned applying for something or call me first thing tomorrow to ask for the results. Give me a fucking silent shout already.

Mar. 3rd, 2009

what we all want, a sunday kind of love. kissing while sitting on bathroom countertops, the phone ringing with a real "old-fashioned" (kids these days) brrrrrring, the type you don't hear anymore, saying 'oh throw it out the window' with a smirk while you pick up and say 'i'll be there in five.' the absence of things, what i've given up to get so far in life and what i'd give to just have someone hold me for a night. Nearly crying, only once though, when I fully understood all the lyrics to "Summertime Clothes", for a song without the word love, it sure comes close