Arcade Fire- "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)"
2004. 4:48. Merge
There isn't much more to say than that this is a song that finds a little space around your heart and nestles in, packed tight. The pleading in Win Butler's voice, the rising tension of the song. The naivete of two lovers (as Pitchfork suggests) but I initially heard it more as two kids in a playground love, escaping the noise of parents fighting and ignoring any signs of impending divorce. And then there's the nostalgia:
Then we tried to name our babies,
But we forgot all the names that, the names we used to know.
But sometimes, we remember our bedrooms,
and our parents' bedrooms,
and the bedrooms of our friends.
Then we think of our parents,
well what ever happened to them?
things goin' on- saw Matteo Garrone's Gomorrah (08/09) Saturday, then promptly went to the library today to quickly read the book. Preferred the movie. One more radio show for this semester, I'm sad about it. Finished the contraband absinthe from France with Cassia last night. Still sick of being single, surprise surprise. Work has been hit or miss with the sik dying. I'm hopelessly in love with the new YYYs album, yet their early work is still my favorite. I used to drive around singing to "Black Tongue".
It sounds like such a cliche but sometimes I just really enjoy being that girl on the bus who stares out the window. I almost get a sense of pride watching the city roll by, like it's my city or something. Watching the start and end of centuries in stone. Maybe it's that I wish I could become that mysterious cliche girl- a shock of dark hair and a set jaw.
i thought about the way things used to be and whether he ever missed them. simpler times, freshman or sophomore year. when we would all gather at his mother's house on wornall, take the creaky stairs up to his room. all 6 or so of us would fit on the bed, hazy light streaming in from the windows. sporadic tickling matches. watching the computer. sneaking wine and such from his mother- I have a very clear memory of us all sitting around drinking scotch, around the time "anchorman" the movie came out so it was fashionable, and i mixed with red bull. grimacing at the taste of alcohol. Megan would also try to show us her tits, sometimes she and max would drive somewhere to fuck or as they called it "going to McDonalds". once they screwed in JB's little brother's bed and Max came out holding the used condom in his hand and threatened to smear semen on us all. in the fall and spring we'd either sit on the porch or go out back to smoke. we had a leaf fight one- i'm not sure why this made an impression on me. another time James Linnea Nate and I all drove up to Lawrence one day (it was spring break), Nate making us go to blockbuster on the way home to rent Gladiator of all things, yet when we put it on the tv in the little foyer upstairs he and Linnea ended up rolling around making out, while Jb and I watched the movie uncomfortably.
i think about the way he and i eventually slept together, on S's 19th birthday of all days, when we're all drunk in the park and he suggests we go on a walk to sober up with Stephan and the others stay behind. We end up in the rose garden and he slurs at me "don't regret this okay" before going in for the kill. half-fucking on a park bench. Jessica and her punk boyfriend Taylor end up awkwardly driving us back to James' house where I weirdly spend the night with him. waking up at 7am to him getting ready to leave to drive to his mom's house. he leaves first, i leave next but forget my wallet. i called him to ask how to get back in, he doesnt pick up the call. my heart fucking breaks, not because i had any feelings for him but because i felt used. run inside, get my wallet, drive halfway home and call Stephan to make sure he hasn't died of alcohol poisoning (19 shots, apparently walked home, ended up in a hammock with cake on his face). in retrospect i feel like i should've seen it coming, a few weeks before James Steph and I had gotten drunk at my house and J had cornered me and felt my breast, and on the drive home Steph told me later that J told him he "thought" he wanted to sleep with me. and what am i, some fuck-object for these brown-eyed men? when James gets drunk he'll sometimes ask who was better in bed, him or S. do i stroke his ego or tell the truth? who fucking asks that?
how does one fucking go back from that? slept together maybe twice after that, i think because i felt obligated to at that point. everytime he and i would drink alone i'd be on edge worrying he'd make an advance and that i drunkenly would acquiesce. and now nothings the same, there's a tension. i would give the world to go back to before it all happened. i just want my friend back. we've grown apart and i hate that it happened.
- Current Music:walkmen- you and I (album)
St Germain des Pres- had coffee and tea at Cafe de Flore- spotted the editor in chief of Vogue Italia walking in (I murmured oh my god to my mom). Bought cute tiedye tights at Am App. Delish macarons from Pierre Herme which again went well until Sonia busted out in English- the guy who had winked at me when we walked in soon turned to cute teasing- we ordered one Isphahan and he says "not three?" non- pour partager. Chercheminippes. Then to Bon Marche where we saw the singer Pink speaking English and freaking out about all the products- one of her male companions looked excited that we were speaking English
Went back, picked up Mom (who was sick off the richness of Angelina's the day before), had a quick dinner and went to the Eiffel Tour, went up to 2nd floor. Finished off with Bateaux-Parisiens one hour float up and down the seine
bought une epoisse at alleosse have yet to eat it. strolled the champs elysees. laduree had a line 50 people deep so we didnt get anything. went to angelina's on rue rivoli, good lord the choc africain is thick and the mont blanc is delish. saw model Jessica Stam near the Hotel de Crillon